The Uncle Frog Blog

It is definitely spring. Time to try to get the lawn back into shape. Time to keep up with the Joneses. The grubs have had their way with my precious little blades of grass yet again. And if it wasn’t the grubs, it was the blistering heat of the sun burning out large swaths of formally green grass. Bottom line … my lawn looks horrible.

Rake up the dead stuff. Scratch up the top soil. Lay down fresh new grass seed. Then cover it all up with bales full of straw. Water liberally and repeatedly and hope that grass sprouts up in a few weeks. You know the routine.

But what was the reason for the straw again? Why this extra step? I suspect that the dude selling the straw will still say this is a vital step in getting new seed to germinate and grow. I’m sure he’ll say that it is to help keep the moisture in and to keep the birds from eating up all of the new, delicious seed. But I think I’ve discovered another, and more important reason … having the straw out on the new patches of seeded areas is to simply inform the neighbors that you are working on it, and that you aren’t really the hillbilly that your lawn makes you out to be. It is a homeowners way of saying to the neighbors “Yes, I know my lawn looks like garbage. No, I’m not neglecting it. No, this didn’t happen because I’m lazy. See! I’ve done so much work already, it couldn’t be laziness. See! I’ve got it covered in straw. So, please, have patience with me.”

Yes, I firmly believe now that I’ve had this revelation that besides the grass seed itself, straw is the most important material to use when reseeding grass in your yard.

The day was cold and damp. The yardwork debris can hold off enough day. As luck would have it, a fresh yet temporary blanket of snow would later cover up the unchecked chore. A perfect day for Uncle Frog to give the Bacon Explosion a whirl.

With two pounds of super thick-cut bacon and two pounds of freshly ground Italian breakfast sausage, how could things possibly look brighter? I know … cheese. Lots and lots of fancy shredded cheese. And a few slices of colby-jack to add to the celebrations. There is no better way to commemorate a milestone birthday than to put a twist on a Bacon Explosion … add cheese and it’s the bomb. A bacon bomb!

If you have six minutes, a love for bacon and want to see what I did yesterday, here you go:

Be leary of the government who charges or taxes people for their so-called bad habbits.  Take Alabama for instance.  This state government already charges their employees extra if they are smokers.  And all of you who sat on the sideline cheering on the onslaught of attacks on poor, innocent smokers are now seeing the next class of people to be targetted.  That’s right … fat people!  The state of Alabama is going to start charging state employees money if they are obese.

Fat People Eat Through The Mouth But Pay Through The Nose!

Starting in 2011, any employee considered obese with a Body Mass Index (BMI) of 35 or more will be charged $25 per month to keep their health insurance.  They already charge smokers $24 per month.  What’s next?  A $26 charge per month if they have any other hair color but blonde??  And then a $27 charge per month if they have another eye color besides blue??  Hitler would be proud.  Personally I’m disgusted with the acceptance that government can dictate how anyone lives their lives.

Show your Fat Pride and protest such movement through the proper use of humor by wearing one (or more) of these hilarious fat pride t-shirts !

Here is another funny, funny list of tips and tricks that seems to be circulating around the internet via e-mail lately (sorry for the SHOUTING, but this is how it came to me and I don’t want to retype it):

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY  GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET

Get in the groove with an R&B frog on the road as Road Frog sings his nasty tune. This creative video highlights a dirty mouth frog singing some hip-hop shenanigans on a raunchy road trip. The rubber frog lip synchs to this popular song. It’s actually quite humorous and entertaining.

Produced and directed by www.evilgeniuscomics.com and www.chiofcheese.com

Delicious “frogaritos” are an easy meal or snack.  Simply heat up your favorite hot dog on a flour tortilla with cheese, add condiments, roll up and eat away.  It’s a tasty twist on an American classic food.

NICKNAMES

OMG! How freakin’ funny is this one?!?  This beautiful yellow infant t-shirt was given to us as a Baby Shower gift by a fellow CafePress shopkeeper with an awesome sense of humor.  Our daughter is going to get lots of laughs and smiles from friends and strangers alike when she’s old enough and big enough to wear this hilarious toddler t-shirt.

I DO ALL MY OWN NAPS. Funny & cute t-shirt for baby. Adorable baby sleeping on a pillow with ZZZZ over baby’s butt. Unique design great for baby girl or baby boy.

OK, so this simple text design had us all laughing our new-parent butts off.  Burgundy text on a white infant bodysuit that says “Hi! I’m New Here!” is absolutely precious.  If a newborn baby could talk, what would they say?  I think this one hits the baby nail right on the baby head.  Another fantastic present from a kind and generous fellow shopkeeper offering wares on CafePress for our newborn daughter’s Baby Shower gift.  Thanks a ton!!

Meddle not with dragons, for thou art crunchy and taste good with catsup!As an old Dungeons and Dragons RPG player back in the adolescent days of yore, this particular design struck a special cord for your Uncle Frog.  This is another fantastic and fun design printed on a yellow t-shirt (other colors are available) and given generously to us by a fellow CafePress shopkeeper as a Baby Shower present for our darling daughter.  I jest with Mrs Frog saying our beautiful baby girl will grow up to be the prettiest Dungeon Master ever!!