Not too long ago, and as a first-time father, I got to experience the super amazing quadruple never-ending volcano magma poop diaper changing thrill. Parents … you know exactly what I mean by this and are probably already either laughing at me, or with me, as the case may be. But for those of you not already in the know, here is how it goes …
So I’m changing my daughter’s diaper. No big deal. I slide the clean diaper underneath, open it up with a moist wipe on the ready. There’s a little mess in there. Nothing terrible or frightening. So, I fold the dirty diaper back underneath her, trapping the small amount of gooey, seedy, yellowish mess inside. Then I proceed to wipe my bundle of joy down. This apparently triggers some sort of reflex and out pours another healthy bowel movement. But being the prepared daddy, conducting the diaper change perfectly in the manner I’ve observed by others and read about in books, I gather up the new mess on the folded over and already dirtied diaper. Then I clean my daughter up again.
I now remove the twice dirtied diaper and set her cleaned up bottom gently on the dry, clean diaper already positioned down below. Next, I roll up the double dipped soiled diaper into a clean and tight roll, pulling the taped fastener around it to secure the mess inside. So far so good, right? Nope. I’m not done just yet.
As I breathe a sigh of relief, so to speak, my darling newborn daughter lets forth an impressive third round of what can only be described as pitcher full of pureed squash into the fresh diaper. Perhaps it is the fresh air and the feeling of tremendous freedom only fresh air can bring. Perhaps it is her way of showing daddy who is boss. Perhaps it is the Universe preparing me for continual preparedness. Regardless, I’m back to the stack of tooshie wipes to clean her up a third time. That’s when her mother comes onto the scene.
“How is it going?”
“Great. I think I’ve got this mastered. She soiled her dirty diaper twice. But I was ready. And fortunately I had this fresh one under her already because you can see what she’s done to this one. Now that I’ve got her cleaned up again, I can say that things are going very, very well.”
I probably should have left the second “very” off of that sentence, because no sooner did I utter that definitive statement than the forth round of seedy, warm, squash-magma pour forth from my beautiful girl’s hiney. The missus could have died laughing. Honestly, I was laughing a bit myself, although, because I was nearly elbow deep in the yucky stuff figuratively speaking, I wasn’t nearly as amused as she.
I am happy to report that the third diaper, and the forth waste-removal session was the grand finale … for that round. I was able to successfully get my new baby into her brand new, dry and clean diaper and enjoy the rest of the day. The lesson of that day … just when you think you’re done, you discover that the fun has just begun.
